Batman's Substitute
by EvilHamsterMastermind
Summary: Batman is a hero unique and nearly irreplacable. So who, if anyone, is worthy and able to fill in when the Darkest Knight is sick? Poor Gothom.
1. Chapter 1

Batman's Substitute

It was to an enemy more devious, sinister and grotesque than most rogue galleries every contained that brought the fall, however temporary, to Batman. He lay prone in his bed cursing this vile fiend and fighting it's inevitable pull with great will and infamous stubbornness. Reaching, Batman pulled himself, struggling to stand, only to be shoved brutally back by a white gloved hand, "Master Bruce, you must rest if you are to recover." Alfred calmly tucked the blankets back around him. Bruce opened his mouth, rasping,

"Alfred, the Batsignal." Even the rasp still carrying his presence.

But Alfred Pennyworth was not one to be easily swayed, "Yes Master Bruce I see it. You are in no condition to out, much less swing from buildings. Rest easy, If you really think it necessary, I'll call your substitute-

"NO!" Batman hacked from the exertion, barely able to breath, "I can't do that to Gothom again, remember last time?" He finished weakly, taking the tea Alfred offered.

"Quite vividly, who do you recommend then?"

"I have few ideas." Bruce Wayne lay back, exhausted, resigned to what he must now do. Picking up the phone, he placed the call. It was done. Tomorrow would see a new night, and with it a new Batman.

"Who is it to be then?" Alfred took the tea cup back, setting it meticulously back on the trey.

"West." Bruce sighed in resignation, he could only hope that Wally could pull it off, if not, he would be forced to take more desperate measures.

AN: no worries! I won't do anything too horrible to Bruce. If you must feel pity, save it for the poor souls that live in Gothom, because there must always be a Batman, but not all Batmans are cowled equal.

Any guesses as to who Alfred was referring to? I'll give you a hint, he's not from the DC universe.


	2. Batman Goes Fast

Own little, claim less, write much.

"So tell me Jeeves, does this look a little big on me?" In an instant, Wally West out of the Batmobile (which Bruce had reluctantly allowed him to drive, and Wally had reluctantly accepted on the premises that a super speed Batman might seem suspicious.) and standing picturesque in Alfred's tolerant gaze. "Can you take in body armor? How 'bout the cape. Nothing against Bats, but this thing drags. Don't get me wrong, the dark and scare thing with a bat silhouette is cool and all but, I can't break the sound barrier in this! It would tear off, and then all I'd have is a shredded little sissy cape."

"I'll take that under advisement. Master Wallace, I was under the impression that you were to maintain the image of Batman so that his absence would go unnoticed."

"Uh huh." The Flash mumbled around the food Alfred had brought.

"And you are aware that Master Bruce does not have super powers of any kind."

"Uh huh." Flash munched happily.

"Do you believe, Master Wallace, that your conduct at Gothom's East port reflected that knowledge?"

"Huh?" Swallowing the last of it, "I was gonna do Batman's thing, you know, creep in all scary and quiet, gather information, and THEN take them out…but I ran into a problem." Flash changed from the ill-fitted cowl to his traditional scarlet and very un-stealthy but very aerodynamic suit. "You see Batman, I mean Bruce as Batman, that's what he does. He decodes things and sneaks around and then does his 'not quite humanly possible martial arts.' I don't do stealth. I don't do much decoding, I'm more of a 'hit it repeatedly very very fast until something works kind of person. And the "Fastest man alive" title means I never needed martial arts. So I could let them get away, or I could hit them really really fast and hope they thought Batman had a new gun or something."

"Really really fast?"

"Yeah, you know, way faster than a normal person but just a little under Mock 2."

"I hope you are prepared to explain all of this to Master Bruce."

"He's awake?"

"I believe so, he is still quite ill but ever since he began watching the news report about…the incident…he has been increasingly difficult to keep in bed."

"It wasn't that bad."

"I don't believe your speed is the issue. I came under the impression it was your other incident."

"Other?"

"Something to the nature of quality time with the Joker, I believe."

"What? He was at the dock, I beat up his thugs and then…oh."

"Yes, I believe that was the part."

"You mean in all the years Bruce has been chasing the Joker he never…"

"That is my impression."

"But he's pretty funny."

"So I've heard."

"And he never?"

"No."

"And now Joker thinks?"

"It's very likely."

"Bruce is going to kill me, isn't he?"

"I'll get your things."

"Thanks Jeeves." Alfred left Wally standing alone in the Batcave, eyes drifting from the many suits, to the Batcomputer, to the Batmobile, and finally to the gigantic penny and robotic t-rex that he felt an insane urge to play with since he was already in trouble. He knew Bruce was the strong silent type, but never? He shook his head. "I can't believe that Bruce has never laughed at the Joker." Alfred approached quietly, handing Wally the clothes he brought, as well as a rather large sack lunch.

And so it was, that with a full stomach, Wally West left the Batcave and the cowl to be taken up by another, perhaps less humorous, hero. Besides, he had a heck of a story to tell the other Leaguers.

Bruce lay restlessly in the bed, cautiously eyeing the door. No new reports had come in and he was fairly certain that the Flash had returned. He listened carefully for any sign of human presence. Somehow, but means that suited the most skilled Samurai masters, Alfred could appear at that door at exactly the moment he managed to get out of bed. He knew it to be impossible, Alfred was a member of the British 'secret service' granted, but he was not a ninja. Bruce had halfway believed as a child that Alfred had super human abilities, in addition to a "Bruce sense" that seemed to tingle whenever he was where or when he shouldn't be. As he grew older and left for training, Bruce had put such nonsense behind him. Now though, now that he was once again at a disadvantage to the old Butler, his old suspicions resurfaced. Slowly, and in absolute silence Bruce struggled to sit up. Breathing deeply, he fought the impulse to cough and then vomit. With the patience of Mr. Freeze he slid his legs carefully, straightening them until the where squarely beneath him. Now all he had to do was stand and…

"Master Bruce, what do you think you are doing?"

Bruce silently cursed, having far too much respect to do so out loud, "How Alfred?"

"Master Bruce I know you better than you know yourself." Alfred placed a firm hand on Bruce's shoulder, forcing him back into bed. In his weakened state, Bruce could only glare which unfortunately no longer worked on Alfred. "Master Wallace has left, I assume you'll be calling in another replacement?"

"Yes Alfred." Bruce coughed, hacked, and finished thickly, "I think the Flash was too…Sunny."

"Indeed, who then of your comrades is sufficiently unpleasant then?"

Bruce narrowed his eyes, feeling Alfred's silent laughter, "No one else from the League, I won't have the title of Batman become a roll playing game. I need someone who will take this seriously, who won't be too tempted to use super human abilities."

"I take it you have someone in mind?"

"Yes, and Clark is going to hate this." Bruce took the phone, settling back with some measure of peace as he dialed numbers that he never thought he would again. Admittedly, though, he felt ever so slightly better knowing that soon he would not be the only one suffering. Miserly loves company. "I need to speak with Mr. Luthor."

Not that I'm complaining, but not having a single review makes this story look pretty lame. Just FYI. No bid deal or anything.

Just would be kinda nice.

Not that I'm begging.

But if I did, it might be for reviews.

Not that I am.

Ok.


	3. Batman is evil

Thank you to all reviewers!

Brief recap: Flash didn't work out and now Bruce is taking desperate measures of the Luthor variety.

LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL

"You can't be serious" Bruce's eyes narrowed at Lex's comment, though the Luthor couldn't see him. "And why would I, an entrepreneur and known humanitarian, take on the identity of one of the most feared and questionable heroes? It would hardly be good for my reputation."

"No one will know. You'll do it because I have been traking your accounts. All of them. If you refuse, Lexcorp will be financing a full remodle of the Watchtower, as well as paying damages for all League equipment destroyed in your lifetime."

"Hardly heroic." Lex sneered.

"Don't kill anyone."

"Me? Certainly not. I wouldn't think of something so base."

"You'll find what you need at an address you'll receive in the morning."

The phone went dead, leaving Lex Luthor evil mastermind and enemy of the League to his thoughts.

Calmly sipping scotch from a tumbler, swirling it and admiring the color. "How hard could it be?" He scoffed.

The Nightly news covered Gothom in its dismal glory. Between the attempted bombing of Arkham and scattered incidents of violence throughout the city, the police were scrambling. No culprit could be found. In other news, Batman had been sighted apprehending several criminals, though most were taking directly to the hospital being in no condition for conventional transport in a squad car.

"I Told you not to kill anyone."

"I would never, gravity however is not so kind." Lex began stripping off pieces of armor in the abandoned warehouse, silently noting the company name and to investigate it latter.

"And you had nothing to do with the bombing at Arkham?"

"Of course not, it wouldn't suit my new heroic roll in life, would it?" Lex smirked, "I did not, however, agree to protect the criminally insane. Really, even if, heaven forbid, Arkham was destroyed who besides a few dozen guards and Gotham's most wanted would die? If that bomb had gone off, I would bet that you wouldn't need to be passing the cowl around."

"Do you realize how many times over you would be dead if the League ever took that mentality?"

"Never Happen." Lex straightened his tie, sliding into the seat of his custom retrofitted GTO. "So I take it my services will not be required in the future?"

"If I find out that you planned-

"I'm insulted. You think I would resort to something as crude as a few C4 bombs? Honestly."

"If not you than who?"

"You're the great detective."

"And you were on site, have the resources, the opportunity and several of the inmates would be on you death list, no doubt."

"I wouldn't loose any sleep over a few less maniacs in the world, but death list? Certainly you realize that I would never keep such a thing."

"evidence."

"Yes, and I'm a Luthor: revenge comes naturally to me. A list would be redundant."

"A confession?"

"Hypothetically speaking of course. As I said, I have no grudge against anyone in the league or otherwise. I'm just a businessman."

"Who is blessed with many friends?"

"Something like that."

Bruce sat miserably in the Batcave, eyeing the Crey built computer. What had been his place of solace was now elementally against him. Fighting the urge to shiver at the damp cold, he pulled the thick blankets Alfred had brought closer around himself. Turning, he found the Englishman already behind him, "Master Dick is waiting in the study, if you unwisely continue to be up."

"Thanks Alfred." The original Batman grumbled, tiredly making his way up the stairs that for the first time seemed ridiculously over tall. Tonight had been a failure, and had left Gothom in a nearly as bad a state than had he called in his substitute from years ago…a time he did not remember fondly. There had to be someone else…


	4. SecondtoLast resort

Chapter 3: The second-to-last resort

It was obvious really. The kind of truth that stares at a person, prodding, goading, and inevitable. Dick Grayson, the ex-boy wonder, ex-partner, es-Robin, Dick Grayson. Obvious, but that didn't mean that he had to like it.

It should have been the first answer, the easy solution. Would have been, if not for the falling out between them several years prior, and the vicious microbe that had taken to beating on him relentless for the past week.

"Wow, you look awful." Grayson whistled, taking a seat near the fire that often seemed to appear by Alfred's presence.

Bruce grunted hello and took a seat a safe distance away. "You could have called, you know." The not-so-boy Wonder continued, "Honestly I never thought that you'd loan out the cowl… but the flash? Really?"

Managing to summon a glare from the last reserves of his strength the true batman sat silently across from his protégé, unknown to him the tired circles under his eyes only served to enhance the haunting look.

Dick shifted uncomfortably, cursing that Bruce could still get to him. "I don't even want to know what psychopath was roaming the streets last night. We're family, you could have just asked."

"What about Bludhaven?"

"I can handle it."

"You think you can handle it."

"Hey, I learned how to overwork myself from the master of self-abuse. It's only a few nights. I'll make appearances and toe the line until your back to your charming self."

Bruce stared evenly, fighting the urge to cough, breathing in the vapors from the tea Alfred had handed him, though for the life of him he couldn't remember when. "And?.."

"But I'm going to do this my way. I don't want you over my shoulder or in my ear." Grayson straightened, "Do you think you can handle that?"

"We'll see."

PoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBruce



Bludhaven and Gotham are both cities notorious in their own right. While many claim that one or the other is worse, the two are undeniably dangerous. Dangerous in a manner that normal law enforcers cannot counter. This being so, it is not surprising that these cities attracted guardians: Remarkable and undeniably overworked people who took it upon themselves to improve two of the worst cities in the states. (Hub city among them, but that's another story)

Needless to say, watching one city of this caliber is difficult, watching two is impossible. Nightwing stood no chance…and then there was Blockbuster.

Blockbuster was currently the center of attention, the object of fascination throughout the city limits of Bludhaven. Single handedly destroying half of the financial district will do that for a person. Un-wittedly, as he does most things, Blockbuster was also providing an idea distraction for what is to date considered one of the strangest occurrences of an already infamous city.

It started, as many things do, with a grudge. That latest and greatest advancement in daily cosmetics, Arkasha firming cream. Guaranteed to tighten, tuck and banish crows feet. Made only with the finest of all natural ingredients imported from the heart of the Brazilian rainforest. Therein, lay the problem.

Poison Ivy and Harlequin made illegal entry into the factory at precisely eleven o' five, the night before the grand opening of the Gotham branch of Arkasha Industries. It took exactly fifteen minutes for the experienced villainesses to place and set three high powered explosives, timed to detonate at exactly eleven thirty.

Clayface made illegal and somewhat less subtle entry at exactly eleven twenty, and was narrowly avoided by the retreating saboteurs. It took him four minutes to access the central network and copy what he hoped to be a cure for his…condition before the opening when both security and personnel would be doubled.

At exactly eleven twenty five an escaping Clayface encountered an entering Croc. Croc, oblivious to any possible reason to bother with this factory other than it's obvious success and bank-phobic owner who was rumored to keep a substantial safe on site, a safe that would be emptied tomorrow morning before the grand opening tours. Croc saw a thief who got the goods before he could, Clayface saw only an obstacle to his escape.

The battle was epic, the clash of two titans of superhuman strength and could not be stopped by the pitiful efforts of Gotham's finest, nor by threats of life sentences to Arkham and least of all by common sense.

Three bombs, however, managed to stop the fight very well.

PoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBrucePoorBruce

The following morning, aging socialites all over Gotham wept bitterly at the tragic loss of their beloved Arkasha. In Wayne manor, Bruce did not weep. He was too masculine and proud to be reduced 

to tears by such a trivial matter as the near destruction of his hard won reputation by the Gotham morning news. He did not shed a single tear. No he dealt with any feelings of despair like any well adjusted super hero would, by suppressing it and then venting it in a more manly form: rage.

Bruce counted the seconds until Dick dared to show his face.


	5. The Last Resort

The Last Resort

It was time. All other options were not impossible. It was time to call him. While a brooding Nightwing haunted Bludhaven, a self confident Superman guarded Metropolis, and unanswered Questing unraveled conspiracies in Hub city, a beloved Flash saved a kitten in Central city, an new Batman moved through the shadows of Gotham's streets.

In his wake were only the bleeding and terrified criminals who dared defy him.

And Gotham slept soundly once again, under the protection of the only man, besides Bruce Wayn, who was the right level of sane, brutal enough, strong enough, and disturbed enough to fill the cowl .

AN: and you have one week to guess who it is! I'll post the answer sometime next week, but I welcome any guesses as to who it is.

I have left a few hints along the way as to who it is, to recap:

Not a warm fuzzy person,

disturbed on a batman-level

Not a DC character (This is the only crossover element to this story)

Not a StarWars character (Batman with the force….hm.)

Leaves baddies bleeding, not bruised.

I will now give you the biggest hint…He is really old.

Think about it. It will all make sense.


	6. Conclusion

He is old

He is Marvel born

He is the toughest 5'2'' (cannon) mass of muscle and adamanthium there ever was.

He is Wolverine.

Thank You for Reading


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